The Illusion of Division and the Power of Unity in Parenting

“A human being is a part of the whole called by us universe, a part limited in time and space. She experiences herself, her thoughts and feeling as something separated from the rest, a kind of optical delusion of her consciousness. This delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and to affection for a few persons nearest to us. Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty.” – Albert Einstein

The illusion that Einstein talks about is relevant to our whole existence and every detail of our lives, including our relationships with children. The idea that we throw away our garbage or flush medications, junk food, or detergent… is the way we are destroying our home planet. In reality, it goes nowhere. It is here with us in our beautiful home. The illusion of separation, in the big picture, causes us to see “others” as not part of us; leading to ageism (discrimination by age), racism and bigotry, sexism, nationalism, and other separating views of humans.

When your child does something that goes against your wishes, in your best moments you join the child as one, see her real valid point of view and align with it to find the flow that works for everyone. That is unity. That is like seeing that the fingers on your hand are part of you and not an opposition. When you struggle with a child or a spouse, you can be sure you have lost the unity and are perceiving an illusory division. The child may say, “I hate you daddy/mommy”, and if you see yourself as divided, you feel threatened and go to war to stop the hate and “correct” it. When you feel true unity; you see the child as part of you, a reflection of your inner being. What part of you hates yourself? What part of your child do you dislike at times? Can you notice how going against the “stream” of your child’s emotions is the cause of struggle and makes things worse? Can you see that this division is the reason the child feels this temporary hate?

Only the human mind divides. The child is like your arm or leg; a symptom of the whole. And so is the neighbor, or the country or religion and groups of people. Bring peace to our tired and ill planet and start with you being in unity. Join your child rather than oppose her. If she hates it, it’s the perfect time to dive into this with her by asking her to tell you more and then listen as one. Both of you are listening together to what is going on right now. This is love.