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WOW! You rock my world last Friday.
Sending you blessings and love,
Today, the day after our session, for the first time in many years, I feel in control of my day. The irony is that it is happening because I am showing Jonathan how he can take control of his day. We both are already experiencing new freedom.
We are releasing the grip we have had on each other, while getting closer and understanding ourselves and each other better. When I am clear about my needs, even if only implied by my behavior ( I don't have to articulate it, just behave it), he feels free. Acknowledging my own rights does not take away from Jonathan's rights. It gives him power to acknowledge himself.
Jonathan's friend today has said some very inappropriate things directly to Jonathan. Instead of judging the friend, getting worked up about it, and getting very preachy about behavior, I simply used your rain metaphor (we cannot change reality) and showed Jonathan a way to walk away from the comment without fighting and without being offended. In the past the friend's comment certainly could have done some damage. This time it was over as quickly as it started.
P.S. Your non-condemning way of helping me is the best way to help someone change. I feel you never judge me or my mistakes, and that is wonderfully liberating. Thank you.
It's been tremendously helpful and enlightening speaking with you. I am forever grateful and I look forward to speaking with you again.
Second week after session: I am happy to say that our family has had the best week ever. Not a single moment of fear, conflict or aggression. We are laughing, playing, and just being together in peace. I feel I have a new freedom because I am being true to myself while empowering Jonathan to be true to his reality.
The transformation from frustration and anger to freedom and peace is largely because I am acknowledging my inner desires. This is hard for me because I spent a life time being loved for my musical skills and pleasing people with my performances (yes, I have read Alice Miller's book. It's all about me!). I am amazed that honoring my self brings freedom to the people I love, it does not take away from them!!
Learning to stand up for myself will make it much easier for me to stand up for Jonathan. And thank you for encouraging me to "Dare to be me." I have amazing instincts, as all people do, but I have suppressed them, trying to do what is right in the other person's view. Until now I have allowed other people to have rights over myself.
Until last session my own behavior has been very predictable (Jonathan and I disagree, I blow my top, we all cry). That was relatively easy to change. My challenge now is to bring this peace and self awareness to all aspects of my life. I'll be talking with you soon, thank goodness!
I thank you from all my heart, Naomi. You are a beautiful person and the world needs you!!! I am so grateful for you in my life.
May you be richly blessed all ways,
I had to share this with you: Last week we were on holiday at the sea. Taonga (now almost 3) likes to climb in his car seat by himself but my husband, in his rush, picked him up and put him in his car seat. Taonga said: "I don't want to be picked like the dead bird picked up in that net" (pointing to his little/toy beach fishing net). I don't think Munkonge will do that again...Isn't it beautiful when our young ones can communicate so eloquently how they feel?
All the best to you and thank you for enriching our lives
I just wanted to drop a quick note to say thank you for the phone session Sunday on developing my daughter's interest in music. Your tone and attitude were so reassuring, and I'm already really looking forward to the hours of fun we'll have together. ;) We've already tried some of the games already - it's fantastic and I wonder why something similar didn't occur to me earlier, but I often find that major discoveries seem just like that - almost too good to be true!
Thank you and best wishes,
This email is overdue as my husband and I both expected to continue to need your mediation on a regular basis when we last spoke to you. So now I want to thank you and let you know we are doing much better as a married couple and as a family. Your sessions last year pulled us away from the edge of misery. It is as if we've been fitted with a pair corrective eye lenses and are seeing clearly for the first time, the year has not been without work mind you but their is a lot more forgiveness and a lot less judgment. We are both able to reflect at times of struggle and give each other the space needed to come back to peace. I feel we are partners now: friends to help each other. I didn't feel this before. This is the gift you've given us and it is a blessing.
Things in our home life have changed completely as we've decided it will be a good time to switch roles. I have started back at work full time, while Sol has quit and is staying home full time to homeschool our girls. I am confident he will do a great job. I really love the analogy you told us about thinking of your spouse as a cat at times when they do not perform as you would like or do as you would do. I fully expect my husband to be like a cat at times in his new job but I also see that he will be even better than me at other times. Thank you for the lessons.
We enjoyed our call with you tonight. We feel more strength and more peace. I feel I will be able to make some changes without condemning myself. Jonathan (6) especially felt great about having a chance to speak with you, and he is really thinking about what you said about making the world a better place. For many years Jonathan used to say, "when I'm forty, I am going to make the world a better place." After speaking with you, I don't think he wants to wait that long!
With heartfelt gratitude,
Thank you for coming and and sharing your life's learning with me and my family.
I have learned so much from those five days together. While you were here and every day since, I am been more able to find and see that people are "right". Everyone is always right. My children are right. My Dad is right. The rapist is right. I am right! This simply means that there is a reason for everything we do. The reason for our behavior isn't good or bad, it just is.
This freedom from judgment gives me much peace and relief from pain guilt, anxiety and fear. Without judgement, I am free from conflict, conflict with self and others. As I face what would otherwise be a conflict with my children, my wife, my employees, myself and the world at large, just knowing that they, I, we are right removes much of the anxiety and enables me to be more objective. Further more, if I can identify how they, I, we are right, I am far more able to come up with an effective and mutually beneficial approach to any given situation.
Each one of us have different different experiences and prospectives associated with your time here. I will encourage others to communicate their experiences with you.
In regards to the session I had with you about a month ago I changed the way I was 'validating' my daughter. I stopped adding the part that must have been upsetting her. It works amazingly. Also I am taking time to spend with her and our relationship has once again started to get closer.
I just wanted to thank you for your wisdom and guidance regarding my Jan 31 phone session. One of the highlights of the session was a surprise one. My 8 year old son who has not slept in our "family bed" since he was about 2 years old because he chose not to or I thought he chose not to because he "obediently" went to bed in his own room as he was told and seemed very happy about it (at that time in my life I thought that children should sleep in their own beds at least most of the time). I would ask him now and then, when Dad was away at work, if he wanted to sleep with me and he always said no, he was fine. The main objective of my phone session was to get more detailed information on unschooling regarding reading, etc. I had no idea that our sleeping arrangements were an issue whatsoever. When you asked about our sleeping arrangements and then told me that you would have suggested six years ago not even having a bed available for him, I left the session with an uneasy feeling that because of his easy-going nature, perhaps he felt deep down that he had no choice in the matter. So, after the phone session, I shared with him everything we talked about and asked him if starting now he would like to sleep in our bed and he agreed. He now sleeps with us every night and I think he took on a new sense of security and peace in doing so. I feel that he subconsciously must have felt like he was being left out - Mom, Dad and little brother all together and him exiled to another room all alone. Now the thought of him being in his room all alone seems so wrong. Being 8 years old instead of him not needing us in that way, he probably needs our closeness even more because he no longer sits on our laps, gets as many hugs and as much physical contact as a younger child naturally receives. This was such an expected gift and eye opener as a result of the session and a strong reminder to really let my growing children, not just little children and babies, feel the love of their parents in a physical, affectionate way.
The other highlight was also somewhat of a surprise. I didn't realize that I exposed my children to so much violence - I really thought they were immersed in a peaceful atmosphere until you pointed out that the books and movies we were embracing were not a good idea [Star Wars (okay it has the word war in it and I still didn't get the message), Chronicles of Narnia series, Batman and Spiderman superheroes, etc.] Rather than focusing on battles between good guys and bad guys we will now seek goodness in all and avoid books that focus on good vs bad and look for gentleness and goodness in all. I then went through our own library in our home and found a treasure of wonderful books such as these. One excellent book we are now reading together that I would recommend is Abel's Island by William Steig. It is a story of a mouse, Abelard, who gets swept away and stranded on an island while trying to rescue his wife's scarf. Abel's life of leisure that he was used to conceals a soul full of courage, determination, and acceptance of what he cannot change, once faced with the necessity of surviving. It is an excellent piece of literature filled with grace, warmth and insight. There is not one bad guy in it!
Thanks for your words Naomi. It is such a gift to have them appear, always at the right time. i am in some really deep and amazing Work at the moment so it is particularly appreciated.
I had a lovely experience much like the one you recount. We have an amazing unschooled teenage boy in our life, who has been spending an afternoon a week with my 5 year old son since he was a baby. Early in knowing him, he was in our garden playing with Finn, and the neighbor children came over and were singing 'stupid Caulder' at him over and over. I came out and told them to stop in an agitated way. He looked at me so calmly and sweetly and said 'it's ok Caitlin, i already know I'm not stupid.' and went back to playing with my son. it was profound for me and i will always remember it. When people judge me or insult me, and i start to react, I think of him and smile (and then do a sheet!). What you say is so true and beautiful.
I am so grateful for this work and all the other lovely folks who share in it.
I wish you a lovely island summer.
I have read your book and love your newsletters, it always gives me so much light on my parenting journey (hence my own journey as well).
My husband and I would love to have a session with you to guide us on ways to supporting our daughter. We live in Melbourne Australia We are so eager to speak with you.
Thank you so much for all what you do already.
Much love xx
It was a pleasure having found your book as it reinforces my wife and my innate sense of raising our child and having faith in ourselves to continue. Thank-you for writing such inspirational messages to the world: you are rekindling a sense of knowing within many adults!!!
Hi Abby, (This is a response to listening to Abby’s interview of Naomi Aldort.)
I can't say enough about Aldort’s book...it is excellent. I read it all. I am reading it again for the second time. In each page there are things you want to highlight...things that will open up your mind and you know they make sense because you can remember how it felt as a child....the book is like a perfect watermelon you want to savor it and when it is done you want to do it again...then you realize all the things you missed... So its flavor changes a bit and it becomes sweeter and more clear.
Good morning Naomi!
I wish to tell you that I am always pleased to loan my book Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves whenever someone ask me for a good parenting guide resource (as a psychologist and a mother of 4, I am often asked that question). I am not on Facebook or other social media but I am proud to spread your words and it is my way to do so.
You have (are) such a loving soul.
Thank you for sharing your heart and wisdom with the world.
Yes, we are changing our world!
Once again, thank you for speaking your heart loud and clear.
i am currently reading your book. and want to say thank you, thank you, thank you. wow. you have such clarity and vision and heart in your writing. thank you for putting your lifetime of experiences and beliefs and passions out there for everyone to share in. it can be so easy to get lost in a philosophy or vision and not have the tangible skills to get somewhere. you have captured these skills so well. thank you for your countless examples and attention to detail that make this book so, so useful. i teach creative movement and conflict resolution and how our body can guide us through these same places and scenarios. it can be so hard for me to articulate action or purpose. and i think you do it so simply and beautifully.
hugs of gratitude,
Thank you so much for writing your book, I am benefiting from it both personally and professionally. I am already implementing S.A.L.V.E. with my grown daughters, and it is already helping us to heal the old hurt places in our relationship and is changing our old patterns of relating. I look forward to connecting again soon,
Thank you Naomi! Thank you! I love your rough language. Someone has to speak clearly even if it arouses defensiveness at first. It often comes round to admission of shared anger, literally billions of adults have, for how they were raised. I think your paragraphs are far superior to mine for parenting and education. Thanks again! And please stay connected with me and my colleagues above.
I just have to make this comment:
I read your conversation regarding Jesus, the bible and obedience. I love Jesus and am committed to him and you know I love you. Again and again I have found your teachings in the bible. I think that God raises us the way you teach us to raise our children! In fact we have talked in our bible study about your way of parenting and there is a few women in my church now who have and/or are reading your book. I just had to tell you this.
(from Germany) ... I just finished to read your book Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves yesterday in the german edition "Von der Erziehung zur Einfühlung". Thank you very much for this precious treasure!!! What you have written is so far away from what we have experienced, when we were children ourselves.
In my heart I always knew, what you have so clearly put down on paper. It sometimes makes me sad to see, what I have already missed.
I just had a look at your son's webpage and it just brought tears to my eyes, because I could feel the love, that there is.
P.S. Please forgive my 'broken English'.
P.P.S. I already got the first 'Aldort Parenting Newsletter'. Amazing how much it activates and releases inside of me ...I am deeply grateful for your encouragement.
Blessings to you and your loved ones,
I am thinking of you as I continue to distribute your book to everybody I know. Your book is THE parenting book for the new consciousness - the new world we're stepping into. I'm ordering a few more on Amazon this morning as they are going like little bread loafs....
Thank you so much for putting it out and helping craft a better world for our children! :-)
I'm currently reading your book Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves and it is remarkable. It's contributing a lot to our family. Thank you!
Wow! Great info on the vaccines, Naomi! Keep up the information. Parents need all the support they can get to resist medical terrorism.
I love your writing and when I have kids I have your writing to fall back on. I cherish it.
I just read your piece on releasing children from approval dependence in "ask the experts". What a great piece! It spoke to me personally and I'm sure to many others as well.
I read your newsletters and am excited about all of your work!
Would you like to submit a testimonial?
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